Understand Your Marriage
Like Never Before.
You are already married — this is not about finding a match. It is about truly understanding each other. You and your spouse each answer the same 200 questions privately, and the system gives you one honest compatibility report of your own marriage — where you align, where you differ, and the conversations worth having together.
Most Marriages Carry Questions
That Were Never Asked
Here is what most couples never get the chance to talk through:
Two people can share the same background, the same hashkafa, the same family values — and still quietly miss each other for years. Not because either is a bad spouse. Because no one ever asked how he handles anger. No one asked how her childhood shaped what she needs from a husband emotionally. No one asked whether he expects her to build her life around his goals, or whether she has the emotional capacity to give love — or whether she still needs to receive it. These are not small details. They are the architecture of your marriage — and most couples never put words to them.
Be completely honest. Not the version of yourself you wish you were. Not the answers you think your spouse wants to hear. The truth about who you actually are, how you actually feel, and what you actually need.
This matters because your answers shape the report you receive. Answers shaped by how you want to appear produce a report about a marriage you do not actually live in — and reality is what you and your spouse share every single day.
This is not just about you. It is about the person you married. It is about the home you are building together. It is about the children you are raising — their emotional world, their sense of safety, their model for what a marriage looks like and what love feels like. The more honest you both are here, the more accurate your report. The more accurate your report, the better the conversations it leads to. The better those conversations, the stronger the home you build together.
Shadchans.org was built to surface exactly these things — not as a shortcut, but as a serious, thorough, professionally developed tool that brings into the open what most couples never find the words for, so you can understand each other and grow together.
Psychology Comes Before Chemistry
Chemistry fades. Psychological compatibility does not. Our questionnaire was built by a marriage counselor who has seen couples discover — often too late — that they were mismatched in how they think, feel, and cope. This report helps you see those patterns now, so you can work with them together.
Emotional Compatibility Is Not Obvious
Someone can be warm, kind, and well-intentioned — and still be emotionally unavailable to the specific person they are marrying. One needs constant reassurance. The other gives love through acts of service and never says it out loud. That mismatch, unaddressed, becomes years of loneliness inside a marriage.
Your Childhood Is Still Running the Show
The home you grew up in shapes everything about how you approach marriage. Did your parents love and respect each other? Was there tension, conflict, or emotional absence? This information is critical — and understanding it about each other can explain years of what felt unexplained.
Religious Compatibility Goes Way Deeper Than "Orthodox"
Chalav Yisrael or not. Which shechita. Hair covering — yes, no, no compromise. Kollel or career from day one. Yirat Shomayim as a lived reality versus a label. Trust in God when things are hard. These are not minor details — they are daily life.
Conflict Patterns Destroy Marriages Slowly
How do you react when you are upset? Do you shout, go cold, or silently build resentment? Can you handle criticism without shutting down? These patterns — almost always rooted in childhood — play out in your marriage every week. The report shows whether yours are compatible or combustible.
Practical Life — Where Most Couples Fight
Who earns? Who stays home with the children? Separate bank accounts or shared? Does he expect her to stay home — no compromise? These are real, grinding, daily-life tensions — and seeing where you each stand turns them from silent friction into an honest conversation.
These 200 Questions Will Make You
Think Hard About Yourself
This is not just a compatibility questionnaire. It is a mirror. Many people who go through these questions discover things about themselves they had never stopped to consider — patterns from their upbringing they had never examined, emotional needs they had never named, values they held deeply but had never articulated.
What answering 200 honest questions does for you:
It forces you to look inward. Questions about your childhood, your parents' marriage, your emotional needs, your relationship with anger, money, and faith — these are not easy to answer. They require you to sit with yourself and think carefully about who you actually are, not who you imagine yourself to be.
It clarifies what you are truly looking for. Many people discover mid-questionnaire that what they thought they wanted and what they actually need in a partner are two very different things. That clarity alone is worth the hour it takes.
It prepares you for deeper conversations with your spouse. When you know your own answers — really know them — you can have real conversations instead of circling the same surface arguments. The report gives you and your spouse a shared language and a list of real topics to explore together.
It is one of the most meaningful things you can do for your marriage. Not because the system decides anything for you — but because sitting down with a clear picture of who you each are and what you each need is one of the greatest gifts you can give your marriage and your family.
The Part That Makes This
Unlike Anything Else
Most questionnaires ask about hobbies and surface preferences. We go somewhere completely different. Our questionnaire dives into the emotional and psychological dimensions of who you each are — the parts that determine, more than anything else, whether your marriage is a source of joy or a source of quiet pain.
Your Childhood Left Its Mark — We Honour That
Whether you were raised in a warm, loving home or one with tension, divorce, or emotional distance — it shaped the person you became. Our questions gently uncover this picture so each of you can understand where the other is coming from, with awareness and compassion.
Subconscious Patterns That Drive Real Conflict
A man who carries unresolved anger toward his mother will express that anger somewhere in his marriage. A woman who grew up without emotional security will need her husband to fill that gap — often more than he realises he signed up for. These patterns need to be named before they cause irreparable damage.
Can They Give Love — or Do They Need to Receive It?
One of the most painful mismatches in marriage is when both people need to receive love and neither has enough to give. We assess emotional availability honestly — and match accordingly.
Trauma — Not a Dealbreaker, but a Conversation That Must Happen
Someone who experienced childhood abuse, family addiction, or emotional neglect may be an extraordinary person — and they may also need a very specific kind of support from their spouse. Our report brings this into the open so you both go forward with open eyes and real compassion.
Personality at the Level That Actually Predicts Success
Not "outgoing or shy." Are you controlling? Can you forgive easily or do you harbour grudges? Are you possessive to the point of jealousy? Do you take criticism as an attack? These are the traits that make or break a daily shared life.
Every Difference Becomes a Conversation — Not a Surprise
For every meaningful difference our system finds between the two of you, it generates a specific discussion topic for you to talk through. Not to alarm — to open the door. The couples who talk about the difficult things are the ones who build marriages that last. That is the whole point.
200 questions. 10 areas of your life. One complete, honest picture.
This questionnaire was developed by a Chabad professional pre-marriage and marriage counselor
with expertise in hypnoanalysis — someone who has spent years understanding the deep psychological
patterns that determine whether two people can truly build a life together.
Simple to Use. Profound in What It Reveals.
Four steps from today to a full compatibility report of your own marriage.
Both of You Register — Free
Husband and wife each create your own account in minutes. Your answers stay completely private — your spouse never sees them.
Each Complete the Questionnaire
200 honest questions, answered separately and at your own pace. Your progress saves automatically at every step — take as long as you need.
Find Your User IDs
Each of you sees your own User ID at the top of your Profile page. You will each need your number — no searching, no guessing.
Enter Both IDs & See Your Report
On the Shalom Bayis Report page, enter the husband and wife User IDs. The system instantly generates your compatibility report — strengths, serious concerns flagged clearly, and real topics to discuss together.
Religion & Jewish Identity
Observance level, kashrut, hair covering, Kollel, conversion, Baal Teshuva, Yirat Shomayim, trust in God.
Family Background & Childhood
Your parents' marriage, the emotional environment you grew up in, divorce, animosity, and how it shaped you.
Love, Emotions & Attachment
How you give and receive love, emotional availability, what you need to feel secure, and whether you have enough love to share.
Personality, Character & Conflict
Anger patterns, criticism, jealousy, possessiveness, forgiveness, resentment, and how you communicate under pressure.
Work, Career & Finances
Who earns, who stays home, Kollel, salary, bank accounts, financial philosophy, and breadwinner expectations.
Goals, Purpose & Values
Your purpose in life, marriage philosophy, Aliyah, country preferences, Yirat Shomayim, and long-term direction.
Children & Parenting
How many children, Jewish schooling, secular education, birth control, and how you plan to raise your family.
Lifestyle & Daily Life
Television, travel, eating out, music, socializing, cooking, pets, and how you enjoy spending your time.
Health & Medical Background
Family health history, personal health, Tay Sachs / Dor Yeshorim, disabilities, medications, hereditary conditions.
Kashrut & Religious Practice
Chalav Yisrael, Glatt, shechita, kosher at home and outside, and eating at parents' home.
What Your Compatibility Report Shows
Not a score and nothing else. A real, honest picture of how the two of you align — and exactly where the meaningful conversations are.
Compatibility Score
A percentage based on how your two sets of answers align across all 200 questions — weighted by what genuinely matters in a Jewish marriage.
Serious Issues — Shown First, Clearly
Halachic concerns and deep psychological differences are displayed at the top of the report. Nothing is buried — and nothing is a verdict on your marriage.
Topics to Discuss Together
Where your answers meaningfully differ, the report lists specific conversation topics for the two of you — shown side by side, his answer and hers, so you can talk through them honestly.
Print & Keep Your Report
A clean printout you can keep, review over time, or bring to a rav or counselor. The report is a tool for conversation — the wisdom and the choices remain entirely yours.
Your Individual Answers Stay Private
The report compares your two questionnaires and shows only the topics where you differ — surfaced side by side so you can talk them through. It is built for the two of you to read together. Your full questionnaire is stored securely and never shared with anyone outside your marriage.
This Is Not a Verdict on Your Marriage
The same 200 questions, the same in-depth psychological and emotional analysis you would use before marriage — but here, you and your spouse each answer independently, and the system shows you a full compatibility report of the marriage you already share.
Understand why your spouse reacts the way they do. See how their upbringing shaped their expectations. Discover what they need from you that they have never been able to say directly. Notice the patterns behind recurring conflict — and finally have the conversations that lead to real change.
It is not about whether you should have married each other. It is about understanding each other more deeply than you ever have — and using that understanding to build a stronger, more loving home.
Create Your Free Account →A Note for Rabbis, Mentors & Counselors
Those who guide couples do sacred, irreplaceable work — and Shadchans.org is here to make that work more powerful. When a couple comes to you, the full compatibility report gives you a deeper, structured picture of where they align and where they differ — what to explore, what to handle with care, and what to affirm. The wisdom and the personal touch remain entirely yours. We simply give you the most complete picture possible to work with.
You Are Sharing Personal Things. We Protect Every Word.
Your answers are intimate. Your identity is sensitive. We treat both with the seriousness and discretion they deserve.
Each Spouse Answers Privately
Husband and wife answer separately. Your spouse never sees your individual answers — the system compares them and reports only where you differ, so honesty is safe.
The Report Is for the Two of You
Your compatibility report is generated only when both User IDs are entered together. It is meant to be read by you and your spouse — and, if you choose, a rav or counselor you trust.
Your 200 Answers Are Never Exposed
Your spouse never sees your raw answers. The system privately compares both questionnaires and surfaces only a short list of topics to talk through — the areas where your answers meaningfully differ. Think of them as conversation starters, not judgments. Your answers stay private. Always.
Secure and Encrypted
All data is transmitted over HTTPS. Your answers are stored securely and never shared with any third party.
Delete Everything — Anytime
Delete your account and all your data permanently from your profile page. No delays, no questions asked.
Understand Each Other.
Build a Stronger Home.
You chose each other. Now understand each other. Both of you answer the 200 questions, enter your two User IDs, and receive a full report of your marriage — the strengths to celebrate and the topics worth talking through, together.